Boxing's Sad March to Oblivion
This image was lost some time after publication. We have to admit we were a bit intrigued by the boxing headline this morning, "Angry Ruiz wants rematch after losing to giant." (Made us skip right over the "Centaur wins fifth race at Pimlico" story). It turns out that, indeed, American John Ruiz lost by decision to 7-foot Russian Nikolay Valuev in a WBA heavyweight title bout in Germany on Saturday. We saw the photos, and we're pretty sure we know where Ruiz went wrong. After Valuev throws a large boulder and narrowly misses him, Ruiz should have jumped onto his back and choked him, causing the giant to black out. At least that's the way it was done to Andre the Giant in Princess Bride. We also imagine Valuev annoying his opponent with incessant rhyming. "Stop rhyming, and I mean it!" "Anybody want a peanut?" Quote from Ruiz: "Boxing is the only sport where you can get robbed without a gun." He should know, because his manager is Don King, who is busy avoiding a rematch, supposedly. We shouldn't be surprised that King is involved, and it all just proves further that boxing has officially entered the land of the freak show. We'll see Ruiz wrestling Hulk Hogan next, we assume.